








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 34 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 219 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1555 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,563 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1149 | 15% |
| Smokes | 2179 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2482 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1753 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $955,968 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeuCe X_x | 54% | 91 |
| #2 | Neko | 53% | 47 |
| #3 | birren | 53% | 148 |
| #4 | s00n | 53% | 19 |
| #5 | Jerry Jr | 52% | 153 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Holyskit | 47% | 86 |
| #7 | Symmol | 45% | 65 |
| #8 | gordino | 44% | 68 |
| #9 | Tobi | 41% | 87 |
| #10 | Targetz | 41% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | birren | 8 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Symmol | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | gordino | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Neko | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | DeuCe X_x | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | birren | 562 | 0.18 | 17 min |
| #2 | DeuCe X_x | 411 | 0.21 | 11 min |
| #3 | Holyskit | 350 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #4 | Tobi | 279 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #5 | Symmol | 243 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | birren | +3.12 | 92 | 68 |
| #2 | DeuCe X_x | +2.98 | 79 | 71 |
| #3 | Neko | +2.73 | 87 | 50 |
| #4 | Symmol | +1.62 | 76 | 75 |
| #5 | Holyskit | +0.76 | 63 | 73 |





