








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 282 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 200 matches | ||
| Faceit | 72 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2743 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,057 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4561 | 41% |
| Smokes | 2841 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2251 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1404 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $785,610 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Jaimene | 46% | 113 |
| #4 | W.W. | 42% | 67 |
| #5 | umpa | 42% | 36 |
| #6 | Chimzampé | 41% | 100 |
| #7 | gbr | 40% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | umpa | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Jaimene | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | gbr | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Chimzampé | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | umpa | 3 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | umpa | 1307 | 0.28 | 38 min |
| #2 | Jaimene | 538 | 0.21 | 13 min |
| #3 | Chimzampé | 532 | 0.24 | 19 min |
| #4 | W.W. | 223 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #5 | umpa | 219 | 0.28 | 8 min |





