








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 611 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 308 matches | ||
| Premier | 62 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 179 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4152 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,178 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2159 | 16% |
| Smokes | 3825 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3441 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3753 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,492,240 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 437 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | ⭕⃤ ᠌M | 52% | 362 |
| #7 | vedh0lm | 51% | 41 |
| #8 | Mikael | 51% | 183 |
| #9 | CRabby | 51% | 172 |
| #10 | p90TRulz_-____> | 43% | 122 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⭕⃤ ᠌M | 5 | 0.0006 |
| #2 | p90TRulz_-____> | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Mikael | 1 | 0.0002 |
| #4 | CRabby | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | Edd | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⭕⃤ ᠌M | 1778 | 0.23 | 51 min |
| #2 | CRabby | 833 | 0.23 | 24 min |
| #3 | Zzzzz | 677 | 0.12 | 19 min |
| #4 | p90TRulz_-____> | 364 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #5 | Mikael | 280 | 0.07 | 6 min |





