








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 123 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 142 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Renown | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1913 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,216 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1638 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1756 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1163 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1659 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $675,738 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 54 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | pitkät kalsarit | 53% | 90 |
| #3 | ssuol | 52% | 71 |
| #4 | playstation 1 hagrid | 51% | 45 |
| #5 | Jeijo J | 48% | 119 |
| #6 | ei hätää | 43% | 94 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pitkät kalsarit | 8 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Jeijo J | 7 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | ei hätää | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | ssuol | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | playstation 1 hagrid | 3 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ssuol | 405 | 0.27 | 13 min |
| #2 | Jeijo J | 308 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #3 | pitkät kalsarit | 239 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #4 | ei hätää | 201 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #5 | playstation 1 hagrid | 98 | 0.10 | 2 min |





