








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 31 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
80 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 306 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8 | 3% |
| Smokes | 96 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 131 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 71 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $98,431 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Decline | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Fing of Kishguard -hwpo- | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | Pelta ☂ | 35% | 23 |
| #4 | Manderville Manlet | 33% | 3 |
| #5 | ℙαřsnip | 33% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | NEMI | 33% | 15 |
| #7 | donq | 33% | 21 |
| #8 | bort | 25% | 4 |
| #9 | DkFox | 0% | 2 |
| #10 | Drunken Dolphin | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pelta ☂ | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | donq | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pelta ☂ | 57 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | donq | 17 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #3 | Fing of Kishguard -hwpo- | 10 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #4 | ℙαřsnip | 9 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | bort | 4 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | donq | +2.95 | 69 | 65 |
| #2 | Pelta ☂ | +2.90 | 68 | 79 |
| #3 | ℙαřsnip | +1.14 | 38 | 69 |
| #4 | NEMI | -0.20 | 66 | 53 |
| #5 | The Decline | -1.35 | 36 | 47 |





