








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 59 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
551 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,500 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 415 | 28% |
| Smokes | 305 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 443 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 337 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $174,596 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 164 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝕮𝖔𝖇𝖗𝖆⑉ ☠ | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | Your Mum | 45% | 51 |
| #3 | Julia | 44% | 25 |
| #4 | vacuum packed | 43% | 23 |
| #5 | Jerry | 43% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Your Mum | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | vacuum packed | 2 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Julia | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerry | 58 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | vacuum packed | 31 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | Julia | 28 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Your Mum | 15 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | Bogumił Fujara | 15 | 0.15 | 0 min |





