








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 75 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 111 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1370 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,704 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1127 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1263 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1340 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 974 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $388,963 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | KarlaK | 50% | 36 |
| #7 | Teh_Q | 47% | 83 |
| #8 | Kenny | 44% | 27 |
| #9 | Mr. Misiek | 44% | 45 |
| #10 | JetCow | 40% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teh_Q | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Mr. Misiek | 4 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | Tourette Turtle | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | oFi❟❛❟ | 3 | 0.0045 |
| #5 | KarlaK | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KarlaK | 122 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #2 | oFi❟❛❟ | 122 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #3 | Kenny | 92 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | Mr. Misiek | 74 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Tourette Turtle | 49 | 0.02 | 1 min |





