








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
886 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,599 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1046 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1246 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 823 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 484 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $342,504 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 39 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LeXmaskinen | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | Slicing Bullet™ | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | Ausa | 55% | 31 |
| #4 | nexus | 53% | 93 |
| #5 | Höddijo On CoCo | 51% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | nexus | 53% | 93 |
| #5 | Höddijo On CoCo | 51% | 59 |
| #6 | Bubbi Morthens | 43% | 7 |
| #7 | aCtive?#Aimisforgirls | 40% | 15 |
| #8 | Fritz--[Rimmarinn] | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nexus | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Ausa | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | LeXmaskinen | 1 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | Bubbi Morthens | 1 | 0.0071 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nexus | 322 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #2 | Höddijo On CoCo | 160 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Ausa | 130 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #4 | Slicing Bullet™ | 26 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #5 | LeXmaskinen | 24 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bubbi Morthens | +1.60 | 78 | 53 |
| #2 | nexus | +1.41 | 74 | 78 |
| #3 | LeXmaskinen | -0.09 | 48 | 50 |
| #4 | Slicing Bullet™ | -0.40 | 44 | 61 |
| #5 | Ausa | -0.74 | 42 | 66 |





