








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 134 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 276 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2120 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,515 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 479 | 6% |
| Smokes | 3063 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 1866 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2107 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,676,761 of utility $224 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Luke | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | CartoonHead | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | Asterix | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | foe | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | lets all kill dave | 2 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | foe | 215 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #2 | skeptical | 190 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #3 | CartoonHead | 134 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | Maribou State | 114 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | HanFrekkeJævel'n | 112 | 0.21 | 3 min |





