








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 118 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 539 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3899 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,166 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3181 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3805 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 5149 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 4031 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,869,302 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 190 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Osr | 53% | 40 |
| #2 | CartoonHead | 52% | 81 |
| #3 | Ste ︻デ 一 | 50% | 34 |
| #4 | Asterix | 50% | 148 |
| #5 | DroolyMcShartyPants | 48% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | skeptical | 13 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Luke | 7 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Niemaaier | 7 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | lets all kill dave | 7 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | Maribou State | 6 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | skeptical | 345 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #2 | Luke | 246 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #3 | Maribou State | 202 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #4 | CartoonHead | 192 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | lets all kill dave | 187 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | skeptical | +4.23 | 81 | 65 |
| #2 | Bonden | +2.58 | 78 | 71 |
| #3 | Luke | +2.04 | 78 | 61 |
| #4 | Ste ︻デ 一 | +0.93 | 54 | 60 |
| #5 | CartoonHead | +0.75 | 49 | 59 |





