








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 40 matches | ||
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2324 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,436 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1390 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1170 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 721 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1155 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $519,377 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tex (Gone fishin) | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | Carl Sagan^ | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | EmO.Ire | 50% | 16 |
| #4 | Tenny | 45% | 77 |
| #5 | PapaCal | 43% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Slatt Ryan | 38% | 32 |
| #8 | Scroncie | 35% | 20 |
| #9 | DNS | 25% | 12 |
| #10 | SexyAssBakedPotato | 21% | 14 |
| #11 | Momo | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tenny | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Tex (Gone fishin) | 2 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | PapaCal | 2 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | Slatt Ryan | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Scroncie | 1 | 0.0026 |





