








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1036 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 475 matches | ||
| Faceit | 107 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 148 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4755 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,751 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6674 | 34% |
| Smokes | 5158 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4395 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3524 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,582,035 of utility $195 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 768 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sebastian | 48% | 54 |
| #2 | Dumbass | 44% | 36 |
| #3 | Bonde | 43% | 54 |
| #4 | Daddy Vanopslagh | 37% | 35 |
| #5 | Sabss ︻デ 一 | 28% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sebastian | 48% | 54 |
| #2 | Dumbass | 44% | 36 |
| #3 | Bonde | 43% | 54 |
| #4 | Daddy Vanopslagh | 37% | 35 |
| #5 | Sabss ︻デ 一 | 28% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sebastian | 7 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | Bonde | 5 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Daddy Vanopslagh | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Sabss ︻デ 一 | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sebastian | 127 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #2 | Sabss ︻デ 一 | 51 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | Dumbass | 46 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Daddy Vanopslagh | 39 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Bonde | 21 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sebastian | +2.43 | 66 | 66 |
| #2 | DanishBeardedViking | -0.49 | 50 | 65 |
| #3 | Dumbass | -1.02 | 46 | 52 |
| #4 | Sabss ︻デ 一 | -2.38 | 37 | 52 |
| #5 | Daddy Vanopslagh | -2.78 | 43 | 63 |





