








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 127 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 177 matches | ||
| Wingman | 159 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3206 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,267 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 176 | 4% |
| Smokes | 1514 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 1516 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1061 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $335,782 of utility $48 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cerokaja | 65% | 34 |
| #2 | Banana | 64% | 53 |
| #3 | Bigbootynobrain | 58% | 84 |
| #4 | Buzzed Lightyear | 57% | 21 |
| #5 | s1 | 57% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Buzzed Lightyear | 57% | 21 |
| #5 | s1 | 57% | 58 |
| #6 | Zwipper | 57% | 88 |
| #7 | jeth- | 55% | 156 |
| #8 | MxNSTERR | 47% | 131 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zwipper | 22 | 0.0158 |
| #2 | jeth- | 14 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | cerokaja | 8 | 0.0120 |
| #4 | Banana | 7 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | Buzzed Lightyear | 4 | 0.0093 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bigbootynobrain | 199 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #2 | MxNSTERR | 133 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | jeth- | 125 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | Zwipper | 116 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | s1 | 52 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jeth- | +2.37 | 86 | 42 |
| #2 | aksol | +2.07 | 66 | 24 |
| #3 | Zwipper | +0.06 | 80 | 48 |
| #4 | s1 | -0.01 | 84 | 50 |
| #5 | Buzzed Lightyear | -0.92 | 53 | 54 |





