








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 206 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 44 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
891 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,674 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 699 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1230 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2479 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 1266 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $361,936 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 42 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | JaggeR | 40% | 42 |
| #14 | Natas | 40% | 40 |
| #15 | goni 🖕 | 40% | 43 |
| #16 | bestimmt. | 32% | 53 |
| #17 | JeberkL4uZ | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | goni 🖕 | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | JaggeR | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Kanter | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | antreh | 3 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | bestimmt. | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | goni 🖕 | 149 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #2 | Natas | 144 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #3 | Kanter | 106 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | bestimmt. | 89 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | caeff | 86 | 0.13 | 2 min |





