








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 86 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 406 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 136 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2713 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,879 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1322 | 13% |
| Smokes | 2362 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3666 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 2529 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,522,981 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 135 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OpelKalle | 63% | 24 |
| #2 | Bensen | 51% | 45 |
| #3 | daimlerjung | 47% | 81 |
| #4 | JeberkL4uZ | 46% | 106 |
| #5 | JaggeR | 46% | 180 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kanter | 8 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | caeff | 7 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | antreh | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | JaggeR | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Kuupi | 4 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Natas | 946 | 0.17 | 23 min |
| #2 | Kanter | 434 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #3 | daimlerjung | 302 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #4 | caeff | 264 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #5 | antreh | 241 | 0.09 | 5 min |





