








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 184 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 151 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1957 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,078 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2150 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1490 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1016 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1422 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $669,144 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MAGIC FLUSSPF3RD ♿ | 14 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Balaclava Bladeswagger | 8 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | Taylor Alison Swift | 4 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | ClasSiX-dA-k1nG | 2 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | GoshIsMyDickLong Unicorn | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MAGIC FLUSSPF3RD ♿ | 296 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #2 | GoshIsMyDickLong Unicorn | 130 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | Taylor Alison Swift | 93 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Balaclava Bladeswagger | 73 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | MassiveMuscleBoy | 48 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Balaclava Bladeswagger | +4.63 | 97 | 36 |
| #2 | ClasSiX-dA-k1nG | +2.40 | 93 | 32 |
| #3 | MassiveMuscleBoy | +2.19 | 73 | 49 |
| #4 | MAGIC BLAD3 | +0.14 | 54 | 65 |
| #5 | GoshIsMyDickLong Unicorn | -0.87 | 67 | 47 |





