








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 267 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 204 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2172 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,986 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1669 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2458 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2063 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1796 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $790,770 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 281 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Balaclava Bladeswagger | 8 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | MAGIC BLAD3 | 6 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | ClasSiX-dA-k1nG | 4 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | MassiveMuscleBoy | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | GoshIsMyDickLong Unicorn | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MAGIC BLAD3 | 419 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #2 | GoshIsMyDickLong Unicorn | 136 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | Balaclava Bladeswagger | 80 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | MassiveMuscleBoy | 68 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | takuta | 56 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Balaclava Bladeswagger | +4.09 | 97 | 41 |
| #2 | ClasSiX-dA-k1nG | +2.72 | 95 | 34 |
| #3 | MassiveMuscleBoy | +1.75 | 73 | 45 |
| #4 | MAGIC BLAD3 | +0.01 | 53 | 64 |
| #5 | takuta | -0.48 | 60 | 66 |





