








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 13 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
215 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 839 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 349 | 42% |
| Smokes | 251 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 97 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 142 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $65,267 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #15 | H4rleym3ch4nic #derankservice | 33% | 3 |
| #16 | www.DerBaron.tv | 30% | 10 |
| #17 | Aspekt_347 | 0% | 2 |
| #18 | Small Diameter Bomb | 0% | 2 |
| #19 | MrOnePump | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Woolly Mammoth | 2 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | Baron John Porno | 1 | 0.0081 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baron Ad0nis der Bäinis II. | +5.42 | 74 | 66 |
| #2 | Baron Don Key II. | +5.30 | 53 | 71 |
| #3 | Baron Cast0r | +4.26 | 33 | 80 |
| #4 | MrOnePump | +2.67 | 82 | 42 |
| #5 | Baron L-Capowned | +2.10 | 51 | 78 |





