








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 913 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 253 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 76 matches | ||
| Premier | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 33 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6884 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,940 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12093 | 43% |
| Smokes | 7190 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3309 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 5348 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $491,530 of utility $41 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 567 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | coots | 56% | 95 |
| #11 | lumpy space pickles [*DEAD*] | 55% | 73 |
| #12 | Lj | 54% | 94 |
| #13 | Sohavok | 49% | 81 |
| #14 | Sylkarino | 46% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | //Astr⛧m | 14 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | lumpy space pickles [*DEAD*] | 9 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | coots | 7 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Lj | 6 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | Tacocorp | 3 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | //Astr⛧m | 469 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #2 | Lj | 368 | 0.20 | 10 min |
| #3 | ViệTAwpEr | 343 | 0.34 | 8 min |
| #4 | lumpy space pickles [*DEAD*] | 253 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #5 | Malvo | 157 | 0.13 | 4 min |





