








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 120 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1153 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,161 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1217 | 29% |
| Smokes | 966 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1020 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 958 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $187,481 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cathkar | 67% | 12 |
| #2 | m e l k y | 60% | 81 |
| #3 | cOMO*[A] | 59% | 82 |
| #4 | Mme.Fougère | 58% | 103 |
| #5 | monky ♿ | 53% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | m e l k y | 60% | 81 |
| #3 | cOMO*[A] | 59% | 82 |
| #4 | Mme.Fougère | 58% | 103 |
| #5 | monky ♿ | 53% | 45 |
| #6 | ZkooXx | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mme.Fougère | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | cOMO*[A] | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | m e l k y | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | ZkooXx | 1 | 0.0065 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mme.Fougère | 424 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #2 | cOMO*[A] | 352 | 0.20 | 8 min |
| #3 | m e l k y | 188 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | monky ♿ | 125 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | cathkar | 40 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cOMO*[A] | +2.53 | 83 | 66 |
| #2 | Nitroks | +1.31 | 79 | 66 |
| #3 | m e l k y | +0.45 | 72 | 71 |
| #4 | ZkooXx | +0.21 | 70 | 80 |
| #5 | cathkar | -0.44 | 81 | 69 |





