








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 518 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 125 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2093 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,654 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1226 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1334 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 3219 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 1875 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,272,039 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gill | 59% | 134 |
| #2 | ALEX JONES | 59% | 257 |
| #3 | Singus Biggle | 54% | 246 |
| #4 | BLOODY BASTARD | 51% | 175 |
| #5 | Maximum Effort | 42% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ALEX JONES | 59% | 257 |
| #3 | Singus Biggle | 54% | 246 |
| #4 | BLOODY BASTARD | 51% | 175 |
| #5 | Maximum Effort | 42% | 55 |
| #6 | h3dd | 41% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gill | 12 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | ALEX JONES | 8 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Singus Biggle | 7 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | BLOODY BASTARD | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | h3dd | 2 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Singus Biggle | 412 | 0.08 | 9 min |
| #2 | Gill | 316 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #3 | ALEX JONES | 289 | 0.06 | 9 min |
| #4 | h3dd | 281 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #5 | BLOODY BASTARD | 146 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BLOODY BASTARD | +6.47 | 75 | 54 |
| #2 | ALEX JONES | +6.24 | 74 | 56 |
| #3 | Gill | +2.19 | 72 | 60 |
| #4 | h3dd | +1.43 | 78 | 67 |
| #5 | Maximum Effort | -1.59 | 65 | 50 |





