








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 87 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1325 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,498 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1209 | 35% |
| Smokes | 813 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 523 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 953 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $236,329 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Celerity | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | lol | 57% | 35 |
| #3 | ricky | 57% | 23 |
| #4 | Mikemike | 53% | 58 |
| #5 | accelpilled hsmaxxer | 50% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | lol | 57% | 35 |
| #3 | ricky | 57% | 23 |
| #4 | Mikemike | 53% | 58 |
| #5 | accelpilled hsmaxxer | 50% | 46 |
| #6 | wifelover69 | 46% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lol | 5 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | accelpilled hsmaxxer | 4 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Mikemike | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | ricky | 2 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lol | 171 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| #2 | accelpilled hsmaxxer | 156 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | Mikemike | 55 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | wifelover69 | 54 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #5 | Celerity | 41 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lol | +4.30 | 85 | 72 |
| #2 | accelpilled hsmaxxer | +2.82 | 89 | 72 |
| #3 | wifelover69 | +2.49 | 90 | 74 |
| #4 | riley1 | +0.71 | 82 | 59 |
| #5 | ricky | -0.79 | 76 | 26 |





