








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1765 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 535 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 70 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5809 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,847 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7491 | 28% |
| Smokes | 7220 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 6058 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 6078 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,211,774 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | n1ce ☂ | 54% | 28 |
| #12 | Dom | 53% | 126 |
| #13 | FLOXIC | 52% | 73 |
| #14 | +calamyst | 52% | 120 |
| #15 | Jenson :D | 50% | 191 |





