








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 94 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 390 matches | ||
| Faceit | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5329 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,131 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4634 | 29% |
| Smokes | 3431 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 5835 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 2231 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,665,959 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 43 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | pokemeng | 52% | 296 |
| #4 | Ball Smombs | 52% | 120 |
| #5 | dv8 | 50% | 298 |
| #6 | Glizzworth The Gobbler | 49% | 121 |
| #7 | Tangent | 47% | 118 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dv8 | 10 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | dReam | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | pokemeng | 5 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Glizzworth The Gobbler | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Ball Smombs | 4 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pokemeng | 882 | 0.14 | 29 min |
| #2 | dReam | 718 | 0.21 | 18 min |
| #3 | dv8 | 519 | 0.08 | 14 min |
| #4 | Glizzworth The Gobbler | 485 | 0.18 | 14 min |
| #5 | Ball Smombs | 295 | 0.11 | 6 min |





