








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 561 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 230 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2708 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,114 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2795 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2795 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2611 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1913 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $772,831 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ^syrex | 59% | 95 |
| #2 | Xero | 58% | 106 |
| #3 | s0n1c | 57% | 14 |
| #4 | Baylife #1Dome Runner | 55% | 53 |
| #5 | ✪ ℳÆ✘ | 54% | 131 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Xero | 58% | 106 |
| #3 | s0n1c | 57% | 14 |
| #4 | Baylife #1Dome Runner | 55% | 53 |
| #5 | ✪ ℳÆ✘ | 54% | 131 |
| #6 | Sigmund Fraud | 44% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xero | 6 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | ^syrex | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Sigmund Fraud | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | ✪ ℳÆ✘ | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xero | 205 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #2 | ^syrex | 197 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | Baylife #1Dome Runner | 129 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | ✪ ℳÆ✘ | 127 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | s0n1c | 63 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ^syrex | +1.75 | 81 | 56 |
| #2 | ReD | +1.46 | 61 | 61 |
| #3 | s0n1c | +0.12 | 77 | 79 |
| #4 | Baylife #1Dome Runner | -0.11 | 73 | 44 |
| #5 | Sigmund Fraud | -0.43 | 60 | 40 |





