








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 178 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
700 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,176 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 130 | 11% |
| Smokes | 396 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 369 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 281 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $607,892 of utility $232 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 937 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Future | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | CapDee | 64% | 11 |
| #3 | Lobotomized Catgirl | 42% | 12 |
| #4 | Redstone | 38% | 8 |
| #5 | delilah | 32% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | delilah | 7 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | Riot dog | 5 | 0.0169 |
| #3 | Lobotomized Catgirl | 5 | 0.0220 |
| #4 | CapDee | 2 | 0.0079 |





