








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 268 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Premier | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1114 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,348 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 749 | 22% |
| Smokes | 963 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 682 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 954 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $208,993 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 56 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nutella.com | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | Woland | 76% | 17 |
| #3 | Kúba | 60% | 48 |
| #4 | BananaSlizer | 48% | 23 |
| #5 | Reco | 47% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Woland | 3 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | Kúba | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | nutella.com | 2 | 0.0202 |
| #4 | mikzera | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | BananaSlizer | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Reco | 94 | 0.29 | 2 min |
| #2 | BananaSlizer | 92 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #3 | mikzera | 70 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Kúba | 33 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Woland | 22 | 0.06 | 1 min |





