










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
612 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,141 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 211 | 10% |
| Smokes | 668 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 486 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 776 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $69,688 of utility $39 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 9out | 100% | 5 |
| #2 | oo7sour | 100% | 5 |
| #3 | Russie | 100% | 7 |
| #4 | cool colon | 100% | 7 |
| #5 | ♿RX♿ | 60% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ♿RX♿ | 60% | 5 |
| #6 | DickDocta | 55% | 53 |
| #7 | SickDucker | 50% | 6 |
| #8 | Jeddy | 42% | 26 |
| #9 | dogvomit | 40% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DickDocta | 5 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | dogvomit | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Russie | 1 | 0.0089 |
| #4 | ♿RX♿ | 1 | 0.0112 |
| #5 | oo7sour | 1 | 0.0125 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DickDocta | 69 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | dogvomit | 28 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | Jeddy | 21 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | cool colon | 21 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #5 | oo7sour | 16 | 0.20 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cool colon | +6.88 | 59 | 75 |
| #2 | Russie | +6.38 | 47 | 37 |
| #3 | 9out | +3.82 | 35 | 62 |
| #4 | DickDocta | +3.28 | 48 | 51 |
| #5 | SickDucker | +3.05 | 36 | 45 |





