








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 90 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 77 matches | ||
| Faceit | 66 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1511 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,070 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 749 | 15% |
| Smokes | 2008 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 1488 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 825 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $706,940 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | IronAss | 54% | 112 |
| #2 | Kaketsu | 53% | 43 |
| #3 | Vice President | 52% | 29 |
| #4 | -RobbaNi | 52% | 163 |
| #5 | Nbt.ez | 50% | 133 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | -RobbaNi | 52% | 163 |
| #5 | Nbt.ez | 50% | 133 |
| #6 | ✪zonie | 42% | 38 |
| #7 | Kioskinpitaja | 40% | 35 |
| #8 | SNADDUS | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | IronAss | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Nbt.ez | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | -RobbaNi | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | ✪zonie | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Vice President | 2 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -RobbaNi | 378 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #2 | IronAss | 263 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #3 | Nbt.ez | 260 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #4 | ✪zonie | 168 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #5 | Kaketsu | 85 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | IronAss | +2.40 | 66 | 68 |
| #2 | Kaketsu | +0.77 | 53 | 67 |
| #3 | ✪zonie | +0.52 | 57 | 75 |
| #4 | Nbt.ez | -0.51 | 45 | 60 |
| #5 | Anisdaa | -0.83 | 51 | 57 |





