








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 741 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 227 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2534 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,724 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2052 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1924 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2336 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2412 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,466,132 of utility $233 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 238 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Poop Sock | 59% | 17 |
| #2 | BRAS | 59% | 17 |
| #3 | Earth-Man | 54% | 24 |
| #4 | moldy | 50% | 22 |
| #5 | Steveio | 49% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Steveio | 49% | 51 |
| #6 | Gentleman Fish | 45% | 110 |
| #7 | Morph | 43% | 37 |
| #8 | GM | 42% | 26 |
| #9 | ✨Anthrax✨ | 40% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gentleman Fish | 12 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | ✨Anthrax✨ | 4 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | moldy | 4 | 0.0087 |
| #4 | Morph | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Earth-Man | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gentleman Fish | 570 | 0.24 | 16 min |
| #2 | ✨Anthrax✨ | 116 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Steveio | 89 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Morph | 73 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | moldy | 62 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gentleman Fish | +2.71 | 74 | 73 |
| #2 | BRAS | +1.22 | 69 | 59 |
| #3 | Earth-Man | +0.77 | 75 | 70 |
| #4 | moldy | +0.32 | 64 | 71 |
| #5 | ✨Anthrax✨ | -0.42 | 55 | 67 |





