








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 731 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 54 matches | 1,837 | |
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1344 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,453 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1960 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1819 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 767 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 907 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $396,247 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 281 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JockeB | 77% | 13 |
| #2 | Wiiilden2.0 | 60% | 35 |
| #3 | pjussy | 56% | 32 |
| #4 | Dahlberg | 56% | 9 |
| #5 | ☃Tr1xAnt☃ | 55% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pjussy | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | JockeB | 1 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Dahlberg | 1 | 0.0047 |





