








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 196 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 7 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1509 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,656 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1176 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1665 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1513 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1302 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $650,053 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 109 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coach H | 73% | 11 |
| #2 | Virta | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | allU | 59% | 22 |
| #4 | I Na Vi contract | 58% | 31 |
| #5 | S U P E R W A D E | 58% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | kane | 51% | 90 |
| #10 | Aapo | 50% | 18 |
| #11 | Joni Synti | 48% | 120 |
| #12 | Laurenzinaa | 48% | 58 |
| #13 | JEiMi | 46% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joni Synti | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | S U P E R W A D E | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | kane | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | JEiMi | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | I Na Vi contract | 2 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | S U P E R W A D E | 435 | 0.18 | 16 min |
| #2 | Joni Synti | 220 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | Wiljamos | 192 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #4 | kane | 135 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | JEiMi | 128 | 0.08 | 3 min |





