








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 581 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 222 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
2566 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,956 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3268 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1987 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1924 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1777 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $966,493 of utility $190 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 246 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hanedo | 57% | 116 |
| #2 | Hordy Jones | 56% | 200 |
| #3 | klovni | 55% | 146 |
| #4 | Jumpe | 55% | 69 |
| #5 | SrineZky- | 55% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hordy Jones | 2 | 0.0004 |
| #2 | klovni | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #3 | Luotsi | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hanedo | 702 | 0.27 | 22 min |
| #2 | Hordy Jones | 351 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #3 | klovni | 320 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #4 | Jumpe | 153 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | Masa | 126 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Imbakana | +1.84 | 72 | 70 |
| #2 | klovni | +0.59 | 66 | 65 |
| #3 | Masa | +0.38 | 45 | 68 |
| #4 | Hanedo | +0.27 | 69 | 75 |
| #5 | Jumpe | -0.40 | 65 | 66 |





