








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 630 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 194 matches | ||
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 87 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3341 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,934 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6663 | 32% |
| Smokes | 4897 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4678 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4696 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $934,034 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 66 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xack | 68% | 82 |
| #2 | JuanjoGato | 62% | 29 |
| #3 | SoLK1 | 59% | 210 |
| #4 | ^9Khabela | 59% | 138 |
| #5 | Croquetas | 58% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ^9Khabela | 8 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Xack | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | z1F' | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | SoLK1 | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | notFound | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | z1F' | 640 | 0.19 | 15 min |
| #2 | SoLK1 | 471 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| #3 | ^9Khabela | 404 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #4 | notFound | 387 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #5 | Xack | 300 | 0.17 | 8 min |





