








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 330 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 414 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 67 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3014 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,054 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3033 | 20% |
| Smokes | 4849 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 3902 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3270 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,676,860 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 246 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jachse | 51% | 95 |
| #2 | Taav | 48% | 359 |
| #3 | bdck | 48% | 388 |
| #4 | Noedig | 47% | 38 |
| #5 | Jean Claude Juncker | 46% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | bdck | 48% | 388 |
| #4 | Noedig | 47% | 38 |
| #5 | Jean Claude Juncker | 46% | 81 |
| #6 | Maltööö | 42% | 151 |
| #7 | Bernard Dietz | 34% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bdck | 18 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Taav | 12 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Jachse | 7 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | Maltööö | 6 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Bernard Dietz | 4 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bdck | 720 | 0.09 | 20 min |
| #2 | Taav | 515 | 0.07 | 12 min |
| #3 | Maltööö | 153 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | Jean Claude Juncker | 113 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | Bernard Dietz | 105 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jachse | +2.06 | 47 | 60 |
| #2 | Noedig | +1.52 | 73 | 57 |
| #3 | bdck | +1.20 | 66 | 54 |
| #4 | Taav | +1.02 | 54 | 52 |
| #5 | Jean Claude Juncker | +0.36 | 52 | 59 |





