








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 178 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 109 matches | ||
| Premier | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3428 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,061 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4703 | 29% |
| Smokes | 4775 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3439 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3144 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $298,803 of utility $48 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1501 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paprika | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | nutty2q | 62% | 42 |
| #3 | PERUVIAN BUTTHOLE SLUG | 60% | 20 |
| #4 | linK | 45% | 31 |
| #5 | syper | 40% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Killj0y | 40% | 40 |
| #7 | JoeyTheBiggest | 39% | 33 |
| #8 | xStiffy | 39% | 18 |
| #9 | Jeffafa | 33% | 36 |
| #10 | kik[N]it | 20% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nutty2q | 5 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | Jeffafa | 4 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | PERUVIAN BUTTHOLE SLUG | 2 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | Killj0y | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | xStiffy | 1 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoeyTheBiggest | 169 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #2 | Killj0y | 162 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #3 | linK | 114 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | nutty2q | 85 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | syper | 75 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | linK | +2.61 | 82 | 65 |
| #2 | nutty2q | +1.96 | 76 | 53 |
| #3 | Paprika | +1.52 | 81 | 50 |
| #4 | Matt_ | +1.03 | 70 | 76 |
| #5 | kik[N]it | +0.70 | 76 | 48 |





