








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
308 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,276 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 367 | 29% |
| Smokes | 332 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 304 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 273 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $96,872 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 44 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | 𝐋𝐋𝟳 | 50% | 4 |
| #12 | ♿ ζ͜͡ᵛᵘˡᵍᵒ Seu Vag | 50% | 8 |
| #13 | Super Tição | 50% | 14 |
| #14 | Dr. Paulo Minoso | 44% | 18 |
| #15 | Dr. Deidy Costa M.D. | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♿ ζ͜͡ᵛᵘˡᵍᵒ Seu Vag | 1 | 0.0061 |
| #2 | EagleCookie | 1 | 0.0090 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Paulo Minoso | 76 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #2 | Super Tição | 43 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | PH | 33 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #4 | EagleCookie | 28 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| #5 | ♿ ζ͜͡ᵛᵘˡᵍᵒ Seu Vag | 23 | 0.14 | 1 min |





