










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 126 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 92 matches | ||
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1443 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,123 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 551 | 11% |
| Smokes | 1487 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1421 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1664 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $865,260 of utility $240 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nixxo | 78% | 9 |
| #2 | LegendenCSGO | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | ✔zemaaN<3 | 67% | 12 |
| #4 | SeZZ | 60% | 25 |
| #5 | Thybo | 54% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koller | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | zetza | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | jELLYBEAN | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Fire'4k'cow | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | SeZZ | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koller | 204 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #2 | jELLYBEAN | 152 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | zetza | 116 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | Thybo | 100 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #5 | ✔zemaaN<3 | 72 | 0.32 | 2 min |





