








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 170 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 76 matches | ||
| Faceit | 76 matches | ||
| Wingman | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1302 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,126 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 720 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1796 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1605 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2005 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $947,993 of utility $191 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 150 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | L4CH5N4CK3N. | 58% | 167 |
| #2 | cloud | 57% | 171 |
| #3 | Nals | 57% | 173 |
| #4 | eik✪s1 | 56% | 178 |
| #5 | иди ко мне | 46% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cloud | 9 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Nals | 8 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | eik✪s1 | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #4 | L4CH5N4CK3N. | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | иди ко мне | 1 | 0.0013 |





