








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 75 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
743 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,872 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 511 | 18% |
| Smokes | 924 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 540 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 897 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $370,020 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KRS | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | Blue | 63% | 19 |
| #3 | LeGahSee | 59% | 17 |
| #4 | ~/.dss | 58% | 12 |
| #5 | Shrugged | 56% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | LeGahSee | 59% | 17 |
| #4 | ~/.dss | 58% | 12 |
| #5 | Shrugged | 56% | 9 |
| #6 | ParagonCrit | 55% | 29 |
| #7 | Italian Ice | 41% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ~/.dss | 1 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ParagonCrit | 73 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | LeGahSee | 46 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | Blue | 38 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | ~/.dss | 19 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | Italian Ice | 17 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ~/.dss | +2.62 | 70 | 62 |
| #2 | Italian Ice | +1.80 | 64 | 33 |
| #3 | LeGahSee | +1.71 | 65 | 58 |
| #4 | ParagonCrit | +1.66 | 33 | 69 |
| #5 | KRS | +1.58 | 42 | 55 |





