








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 49 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Faceit | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
857 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,931 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 192 | 7% |
| Smokes | 546 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1099 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 1094 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $183,712 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maximus | 76% | 29 |
| #2 | Unknown_Mortem | 73% | 26 |
| #3 | The_Snakks | 73% | 26 |
| #4 | Jakey Wakey | 57% | 14 |
| #5 | spiderman | 54% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | spiderman | 7 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Maximus | 3 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Theo Paphitis | 3 | 0.0067 |
| #4 | Jakey Wakey | 3 | 0.0095 |
| #5 | z' | 3 | 0.0165 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | spiderman | 183 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #2 | Unknown_Mortem | 83 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | The_Snakks | 74 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | z' | 30 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | Theo Paphitis | 29 | 0.06 | 1 min |





