








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 668 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 164 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2082 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,696 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1793 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2261 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1377 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1265 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,145,821 of utility $226 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | ✔ | 45% | 51 |
| #7 | Parzival | 44% | 25 |
| #8 | LongYL | 43% | 23 |
| #9 | Alsymiya | 40% | 20 |
| #10 | 椰王 | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sei Stärkste | 3 | 0.0067 |
| #2 | ✔ | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | '♔YeSiMola.๖ۣۜ | 185 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #2 | ✔ | 183 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #3 | Parzival | 85 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #4 | TESLA TO THE MOON | 80 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | KukiPeko | 80 | 0.10 | 2 min |





