








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 158 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 484 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2745 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,832 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 620 | 7% |
| Smokes | 2527 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3889 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 1796 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $413,200 of utility $37 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 711 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LordFreezer4 | 49% | 35 |
| #2 | nbsIqEqoMu | 45% | 229 |
| #3 | 𝐌𝐈𝐑𝐎𝐒 | 43% | 121 |
| #4 | WTF_Man | 43% | 221 |
| #5 | FizzSTi702 | 41% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WTF_Man | 17 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | 𝐌𝐈𝐑𝐎𝐒 | 13 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | Tendy | 11 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | nbsIqEqoMu | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | FizzSTi702 | 5 | 0.0042 |





