








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 66 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1041 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,568 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1078 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1482 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1062 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 946 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $250,864 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Culture ✪ | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | funbar | 46% | 28 |
| #3 | Beercules | 40% | 91 |
| #4 | IamNotASmurf | 40% | 43 |
| #5 | ratmage | 38% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ratmage | 4 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | Beercules | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | IamNotASmurf | 3 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | funbar | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | IamNotASmurf | 102 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | Beercules | 91 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | funbar | 83 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | ratmage | 54 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | SupraSPD6 | 21 | 0.08 | 1 min |





