








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 126 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
928 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,135 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1695 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1766 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1208 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 466 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $227,431 of utility $69 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PRESIDENT | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | Overdrive | 48% | 52 |
| #3 | Fanta | 47% | 108 |
| #4 | Freezinq | 46% | 59 |
| #5 | Kaasboer | 44% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Kaasboer | 44% | 91 |
| #6 | Why you coming fast | 44% | 55 |
| #7 | Yellax | 43% | 37 |
| #8 | BMPG.013_ | 38% | 8 |
| #9 | Turbo | 36% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Why you coming fast | 9 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | Fanta | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Overdrive | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Kaasboer | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Freezinq | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fanta | 158 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #2 | Kaasboer | 152 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | Why you coming fast | 125 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Freezinq | 119 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Turbo | 64 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PRESIDENT | +6.69 | 80 | 45 |
| #2 | Why you coming fast | +2.79 | 70 | 64 |
| #3 | Fanta | +1.12 | 55 | 55 |
| #4 | BMPG.013_ | +0.65 | 62 | 57 |
| #5 | Turbo | +0.64 | 42 | 61 |





