








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 58 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
848 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,152 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 850 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1054 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 592 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 656 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $250,147 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bayf | 69% | 55 |
| #2 | 0009HPB7000 | 64% | 39 |
| #3 | srrl^ | 63% | 49 |
| #4 | mini | 63% | 19 |
| #5 | a1mz | 61% | 31 |





