








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 356 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 48 matches | 2,186 | |
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1538 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,868 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1264 | 33% |
| Smokes | 925 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 704 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 975 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $515,267 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 67 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dDaniii | 61% | 101 |
| #2 | Linus | 59% | 63 |
| #3 | Erib | 58% | 36 |
| #4 | Fatty D Danny | 58% | 78 |
| #5 | Mu$hrooM | 52% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dDaniii | 61% | 101 |
| #2 | Linus | 59% | 63 |
| #3 | Erib | 58% | 36 |
| #4 | Fatty D Danny | 58% | 78 |
| #5 | Mu$hrooM | 52% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fatty D Danny | 7 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | dDaniii | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Erib | 3 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | Linus | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dDaniii | 489 | 0.23 | 15 min |
| #2 | Mu$hrooM | 293 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #3 | Linus | 253 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #4 | Fatty D Danny | 178 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #5 | Erib | 116 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dDaniii | +1.79 | 93 | 72 |
| #2 | Linus | +1.25 | 89 | 67 |
| #3 | con1 | +0.59 | 79 | 61 |
| #4 | Fatty D Danny | +0.25 | 84 | 65 |
| #5 | Erib | -0.42 | 73 | 72 |





