








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 450 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 99 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1791 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,739 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1457 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1633 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 873 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 776 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $421,303 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 446 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | ✪ someone | 61% | 44 |
| #4 | GodSmack | 60% | 42 |
| #5 | Khaos | 58% | 24 |
| #6 | CYB | 53% | 17 |
| #7 | Oddity | 52% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Revenge of the Crack Sparrow | 26 | 0.0234 |
| #2 | ✪ someone | 11 | 0.0120 |
| #3 | Oddity | 2 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | GodSmack | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Khaos | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oddity | 121 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| #2 | Revenge of the Crack Sparrow | 112 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | ✪ someone | 104 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | GodSmack | 43 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Khaos | 40 | 0.08 | 1 min |





