








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 645 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 307 matches | ||
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 63 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3442 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,607 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4432 | 23% |
| Smokes | 5885 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 4319 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4971 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $766,769 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 185 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Rottis | 49% | 79 |
| #9 | ILIAS * Coca-Cola® | 49% | 96 |
| #10 | blini | 47% | 51 |
| #11 | PAJIS | 45% | 49 |
| #12 | Sturm1 | 39% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RoXoR | 5 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Paksukainen | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | zAkke | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | ILIAS * Coca-Cola® | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | Rottis | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paksukainen | 477 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #2 | Rottis | 400 | 0.23 | 9 min |
| #3 | Huuperi | 330 | 0.39 | 9 min |
| #4 | elektroniikka | 244 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #5 | ILIAS * Coca-Cola® | 178 | 0.09 | 5 min |





