








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 34 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 75 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1022 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,570 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1018 | 29% |
| Smokes | 883 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 794 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 875 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $207,582 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | k0s | 61% | 18 |
| #2 | BigB♥ | 56% | 16 |
| #3 | pacquiao | 53% | 17 |
| #4 | Nupi | 50% | 8 |
| #5 | MaxSchmekker | 50% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SolaN | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | dem0 | 1 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | nasse | 1 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Petite Airlines | 1 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | DR | 1 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SolaN | 163 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | DR | 49 | 0.27 | 1 min |
| #3 | nasse | 44 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | NiToManato | 40 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | pacquiao | 32 | 0.09 | 1 min |





